So I am a little scared and sad

Ok, just so you know, I have been sobbing for the past hour. I am trying to suck it up so bare with me, I have to get it all out.
I keep wondering what the future will hold for Jacob. I know that it is not for me to know, but I can't help but wonder. Some days he seems so "normal", others not even close. It also makes me sad that he doesn't like Julia very much. Sometimes they get along, but for the most part not so much. I almost feel bad that I brought her into this world. Some days I just wish he would love her. Looking at him and how frustrated he gets it makes me cry. I just want to know how to help him cope with everyday life.
I guess the past 5 years are catching up to me, I have always know there was something, but not what. It's almost like he is to smart to be a part of life with peers or those younger than him. Don't get me wrong, I am not one of "those" mom's but he has been tested and we know from that first preliminary test he did test in the high above average range. I just want him to do little boy things, he always wants to be ahead of the game and always has. That is just the way he is.
I just wish that more people knew him like I do. I want so much for everyone to know him and all the things about him. Most of the time I am afraid to bring him out with me because I know how he is with other kids. At the same time he is so sweet to me and all of us who he loves. He really has a big heart and that is what makes me hurt the most. It's like it is so big and he wants so badly to love and relate but he can't make himself do it. I know how much he wants friends and how much love he has but he has such a hard time.
Ok enough self pity, I am done and feel better now.